


Other Normal Things

by aformofmotion



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi, Multiple Timelines, Zombie Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-13
Updated: 2015-07-13
Packaged: 2018-04-09 03:33:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4332276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aformofmotion/pseuds/aformofmotion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The apocalypse starts with the roll of a die.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. when these open doors were open ended

**Author's Note:**

> [I have lost the quote I titled this from, but I swear it was from a Vlad Taltos novel and when I find it I'll put it in this space.]

_[Darkest Timeline]_

  
The day after Goatee Day the study group reconvenes, all looking a little worse for the wear. As much as they'd all [rather] drop out or never see each other again, they did actually pay money to go to school here so they're damn well going to graduate. Troy and Abed afix their goatees as soon as they sit down, the only ones willing to look each other in the eyes. Jeff pretends that neither of them exist and by unspoken agreement Britta pretends that the goatees don't exist, and both of them try not to flinch every time Troy and Abed use "evil" as if it was a part of their names.

It isn't perfect. It isn't even  _okay_. It might not ever be okay again.

Nearly a week passes before the Dean bursts into the study room as if nothing is wrong at all. "Look alive, people."

Shirley bursts immediately into tears and Annie pats her shoulder awkwardly, halfway wanting to comfort her and halfway wanting to move to another seat.

"I've missed something," the Dean says.

"Given that this is the darkest and most terrible timeline, we're the evil study group now," Abed informs him.

The Dean starts to frown. "I know things aren't... the best right now, but isn't becoming  _evil_ a bit of an... overreaction?"

"You could be the Evil Dean if you wanted," Abed says. "Imagine the wardrobe possibilities. Villains are allowed a lot more leeway than heroes are, outfit-wise."

The Evil Dean's eyes light up. "You're right. Oh, I'm going to have to make a shopping trip." Jeff shoves past him as he storms out of the room without saying a word. "What's up with him?"

Abed shrugs. "He's having trouble adjusting to the change of genre. He'll come around."

 

  
The Dean walks in on the echo of the last syllable of an argument and looks at them worriedly. "What's all this about, then?"

"Britta won't sleep with me because I'm not attractive without my other arm!" Jeff yells.

"No," Britta says, "It's because you're an  _ass!_ "

" _I_   still think you're attractive, Jeffrey," the Dean says.

"Really?" Jeff says in a small voice.

The Dean blinks, surprised. "Yes, of course, you're like a sexy pirate. I mean, you don't have an eyepatch or a hook, but I can work with that."

"Fine," Jeff growls, stalking out of the room. "You know where I live."

The Dean gapes after him and says, "Did that really just happen?"

Abed's eyebrows have skyrocketed.

Troy says, "Dude, you better run before he changes his mind."

"Evil Britta is jealous of the Evil Dean because while she doesn't want to sleep with Evil Jeff-"

"Stop saying evil! It doesn't even sound like a word anymore!" Britta shouts.

Shirley sits up. "Let those who love the Lord hate evil, for he guards the lives of his faithful ones and delivers them from the hand of the wicked! Psalm... something or other."

Britta drops her head onto the desk.

 

  
Jeff sits down heavily in the seat next to Abed. "Does your timeline crap get me my arm back?"

Abed considers it. The plan hadn't, really, taken Jeff's arm into consideration at all. But it doesn't require any alterations to allow it.

"Yes," he says finally. "It does."

"Fine. Give me the damn goatee."


	2. between your smiles and regrets 1

_[Gray Timeline]_

  
Jeff ignores Abed entirely in favour of following Shirley out of the room, and Annie follows on his heels. Britta grabs a slice of pizza in either hand to appease her munchies and runs after them.

"I hope Shirley's okay," Troy says, staring after them.

"Of course she will be," Pierce says gruffly, sounding oddly respectful. "She's a strong woman, she'll pull through. You should open the present I got you."

"I don't think that's a good idea," Abed says quickly.

"Why not?" Troy asks. 

"It's a pretty obvious play off the unwanted gift trope. Or maybe chekhov's gun. Pierce is still upset that you're moving out of his mansion. What are the chances of something good being in the box?"

"Oh, yeah." Troy hands the box back to Pierce. "Thanks anyway, man."

He and Abed do the handshake while Pierce mutters angrily to himself. Shirley shuffles back into the room with the others on her heels, Britta wiping her empty hands on her pants.

"I'd like to apologise," she says, standing up straighter, a habit leftover from attending AA meetings. "I shouldn't have snapped at all of you."

Abed pretty much tunes her out after that. Shirley's a good person, her apology is sincere, it doesn't matter what the exact contents are and he has more important things to worry about. There's a group hug when she finishes speaking, and after they pull away the others sit back down at the table, but Abed pulls Pierce aside. "What's in the box?"

"That's none of your business."

"Pierce," Abed says darkly. "Anything you try to bring into this apartment is my business. What. Is. In. The. Box?"

"I, well, um." Pierce puffs his chest up and then deflates. "It's a traditional Norweigan troll. Troy seemed particularly fond of it when he was living in my mansion."

"I see," Abed says. He looks over his shoulder. "Troy, how do you feel about Norweigan Trolls?"

Troy's eyes go round and frightened and he shakes his head and refuses to answer. 

"That's what I thought," Abed says. He looks at Pierce levelly. "You're going to help me dispose of it before it causes any harm."

"Excuse me?"

"I did. Once. But I won't twice. Outside, now." He gives Pierce a push toward the door and Pierce mutters but he carries the box outside anyway. Abed snags Troy's arm on his way through, barely dragging his attention away from Britta. "How do you defeat one?"

"One what?"

"A Norweigan Troll."

"Oh," Troy says distractedly. "Um. Well, you're supposed to eat it. Cut it up into little pieces if it's not doing anything actively evil. Keep a bit of it's hair if it dies easily, cos that's a good luck charm. I think. I'm not sure on that last one."

"Okay." He lets go and is pretty sure Troy doesn't even notice him following Pierce outside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I borrowed a bit of dialogue from the deleted scene. Obligatory disclaimer.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on my tumblr in tumblrfic form, and still available there if you don't have the patience for my slow-as-molasses rewriting-in-actual-fic-format. (Which I wouldn't blame you for as my attention span is _terrible_.)


End file.
